Tuesday, 1 May 2012
Letter to the Man i'll Love
The Past - I've broken a few hearts in my day. I spent years chasing the inconsequential. I was insensitive, selfish and insecure. I was... a girl. One day, I had my own heart broken. I deserved it. For years pain hemorrhaged relentlessly from the wounds of my broken heart, enough to debilitate emotionally without actually killing. I realised I wasn't worthy of you yet. I had to grow up. In time, I accepted I had to prepare myself for you. The man I wanted to be with deserved better than the girl that I was. I had to strive to improve for you. I had to take, fail and then pass life's test. Years later, I emerged weakened but with a new mature perspective on life. I collected the fragments of my shattered heart and used the strength of the hands of time to heal it for you. I had to earn the right to be with you. I had to become a woman worthy of your company. I walked away from loves that weren't as great as what you and I would one day build together. I began my journey filled with emotional turmoil, constant personal reflection and self-doubt. I emerged a woman.
The Present - Every word on Love I've written has been a subconscious dedication in your honour. Every weight I lift, physical and emotional, is meant to ensure I can support you when the time is right. I've reached a point in life, career, and personal growth, where I feel I'm ready for you. But rather than grow complacent, I continue to strive for improvement. I genuinely look forward to being the woman you choose to allow in your life. I vow not to take you or the gravity of your choice for granted. I want you to feel confident in your decision and trust in my words, because my actions always serve to reassure you. I want to remove the doubts you ever had about true Love. It will no longer matter what you went through apart from me. As a part of me, you will trust that I will take care of you.
The Future - I have daydreams of saying "yes" before you with knowledge that we've found something exceptional in each other. Having witnessed the Love we've nurtured, the congratulations of friends and family will flow freely. I imagine how beautiful I'll look on our wedding day. I see myself trembling with anticipation, struggling to hold it together as tears of joy plead for a late invite. I'll stand taller than I've ever stood as the weight of patiently walking towards you, my husband, the man I will Love, finally lifts from my shoulders as I approach you. You will have been worth every passing minute. Standing a mere few feet from my destiny, your hands clasped in mine, in the radiance of your beauty I see reflections of our son's contagious smile. I secretly wonder if the joy in our daughter's eyes will reflect from irises more reminiscent of yours or mine? The melodic rhythm of our unborn children's adolescent laughter is the soundtrack to the visions of the family I look forward to raising with you.
When I finally gather myself I realise, for now, it's all vivid fantasy of the man I'll Love. Sometimes wonder if you're out there, wherever you are, having similar dreams of our life together...